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I don't ever NOT have a boner Do you think gay dudes get turned on by their own weiners? My brief rationale was this: You need to fill out. We tried to spot the other teens, to gauge my competition, but they all looked the same: No water. My father and uncles and grandfather—we called him "Pop"—admired weightlifters and footballers, wrestlers and boxers, lumberjacks, hunters, woodsmen.

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It didn't feel anything like justice to the third placer. Because I could see, there in the front row, a blocky silver-haired man in mismatched garb, his eyeglasses built for star-gazing, something warped in his face too, pitched eagerly forward in his seat, ignoring the ridicule, beaming encouragement and faith up to the ghoulish kid who'd been wrongly placed on that stage—beaming at his son. For working-class kids who came of age in the bigness and bluster of the Reagan '80s, who were soused on the action flicks of Schwarzenegger and Stallone, on the bombast of Hulk Hogan, muscled physiques were simply what you pined for. Hundreds of spectating faces somehow coalesce into a single face.

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